Life with kids has to be the greatest and hardest irony you can live with. I had an moment during school drop-off yesterday. I had just dropped Mr #1 at school (he’s in year 1) and we were on our way to drop Mr #2 at pre-school. Mr #2 pipes up and says “Mr #1 will go into year 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. and he will be bigger”. In my head I quickly extrapolated this all out to year 12, Uni and marriage — and was on the verge of tears. Half choked up I responded with “yes he will”. Only minutes prior to this I had been chasing everyone to get dressed, eat their breakfast and pack everything they needed for school — all the while silently wishing time away, to the point where this daily routine, was no longer required.
How is it that you can truly want the years to pass quickly and have them grow up – only to do a complete 180 seconds later, and be (almost) crying at the thought of them growing up! Perhaps I’m a little different. I do find change a little emotionally challenging, I’m not always ready to move into the next stage of my life and it scares the crap out of me that my kids will one day grow up and not be in my house! But then again I don’t really want them still living here at 30 either!
The facts are that kids do grow up — I can’t stop it (I’ve looked into it!). I will also continue to grow up (or is that just grow old now?). I don’t want to be looking after a toddler full-time or school age kids and having these before school battles every day, when I’m 60+.
The irony is, there are moments where I really do wish I could pause time. I don’t want my kids to grow up, I don’t want time to pass for either of us. And yet I do. I do want to see my kids grow up, I want to see what they make of themselves. I want to see the families they create.
The reality is, I will (God willing) get to see these moments in their future lives. I just won’t be able to come back and re-live these present moments, good or bad. So I guess I just need to put a post-it note somewhere prominent to remind me that “Time will pass and they will grow. Take in every moment and love them dearly”
I will continue to shed a few private tears at the thought of not having this time again with them. I will only my best to really celebrate , take in and appreciate, each milestone they pass.